California

This post is just a few pictures from my trip to California. I love the fall weather we're having here in Chicago but really do think I would be perfectly happy in a warm, dry, Mediterranean climate every day. I love the little daytime moon in the picture below.

And the last two are from the dorm where I stayed (it was an academic conference).

Hurray for sunshine! The end.

Summer, Longing

Summer in Chicago is absolutely the best thing ever. My new roommate stood on the porch and declared: "Another day in paradise!" Yet yesterday I was in a funk, feeling that it's slipping away, that I'm not DOING what I want to be doing, that summer will escape without me grabbing it and shaking the living daylights out of it. It bothers me that I can't just let it happen, that I feel the need to wring it out completely. I think sometimes blogs and the internet makes this tendency worse-- when all you see is swimming holes and sunbathing and glamorous beaches and boats and impossibly beautiful women lounging in the sun, and running through sprinklers and BBQs and fires and backyards and and AND AND (seriously though click on my links, they're some of my most-read blogs and/or most summer-evocative posts). I think this is also, for me, compounded because I am only part-time employed and am waiting on a "real job" that will be "fulfilling" and "pay my bills." (I had a real unconsciously Scarlett O'Hara moment the other day, declaring to myself that I'll never borrow money like this again!)

Anyway, I feel this way when I travel sometimes too, the urge to suck it all up and DO THINGS and HAVE EXPERIENCES and not waste time lying in a hostel bed even if I am feeling sick or tired or really actually enjoying reading my book on the roof or whatever. I think it's a fear of the winter, of the dull months where I don't do anything "interesting" when I'll wish (fear of regret?) that I'd not spent my summer mornings inside typing but outside biking and swimming and being gloriously deliciously happy. I don't think it should be this way. When I take a nap on the grass in the sun with a friend, I shouldn't (shoulda, coulda, woulda) feel a twinge of sadness because this feeling will end. Not everyone does.

I think it's why we document, photograph, try to prove to ourselves that we're taking advantage of things before they slip away (suddenly, I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child, growing up and away before your eyes). This morning, I took back up my planner to which I'm devoted when working and in school, and wrote in what I've done this summer. I've certainly been busy, social, having fun, doing summer things, but it gets overwhelming, somehow. It's very graspy, it's very anti-Zen. It's much easier for me to let go of bad feelings than good ones, which I want to preserve like the summer zucchini in my fridge.

Pictures: by my friend T + Instagram of me at the beach, by me of my friends on the 4th of July.

Mindfulness and Creativity

Happy Sunday, y'all. I'm eating leftover diner omelette from last night's adventures and cleaning all the things. And blogging. Holy crap, there's nothing like being freed temporarily from the worries and stress of work and school to remind you of long-forgotten creative plans. I took a class last quarter where we had to use different mediums to produce our reading responses each week, things like taking a picture, drawing with oil pastels (maybe that was just me and my love for oil pastels), writing poetry, cooking, singing, doing yoga. It was a touchy-feely class, and I gave the assignments a fair share of eye-rolling, but one comment by a classmate on the last day stuck out. She said that it was game-changing to think of creativity as part of normal work and life, not the "reward" we leave for ourselves when nothing else is really going on. For those of us who aren't artists and don't work in a creative field, how can we make the pursuit of creativity and beauty a part of our busy lives, not just something to add on?

I think a lot of us (bloggers, women, friends of mine, people who appreciate aesthetics, I dunno how I'm defining "us" here) seek to add beauty and creativity in to our everyday life in little ways, but those often strike me as something to add on when we've got money and time. I'm thinking of things like buying flowers, sewing and drawing and knitting during our free time. These things are valuable, but sometimes I literally don't have time or money for them (soon, hopefully, my life won't be so damn intense but you can't just wait around living in a future time). I've been thinking of ways to do the shit I have to do in a more mindful, creative way. I read (in Martha Stewart, referencing an unnamed "recent Harvard study") that people spend 50% of their time thinking about something other than what they're doing, and that this makes them unhappy. Let's totally ignore my nagging need to read the whole study and criticize it, and assume that mindful presence in as much of daily life as possible is a positive goal. There's a lot of boring shit I have to do that I don't want to be mindfully present for, though, I just want to get through, like commuting and paperwork and eating old food because I hate for food to go to waste and school assignments I can't get into. Sometimes, though, if I try or just pay attention, these can become enjoyable too. I kind of love commuting sometimes, watching the buildings flash past and the birds and the light sparkle through falling snow and the faces of my fellow metropolis-dwellers. I write little observations on receipts and shove them in my purse and find them later, a little slice of mid-January. My coworker play music while she does paperwork.

I think sometimes what it takes to introduce creativity to ordinary tasks, paradoxically, is ritual and routine. You know, you decide, ok, it's tax time, motherf*ers, time to dress up like my weirdly romanticized version of an attorney, get absurdly into knowing the workings of the IRS website, and pump myself up with a fancy coffee. I know those are kindof add-ons, but if you're going to dress and have a coffee anyway, why not specialize them for taxes? This is an odd example. Maybe like my coworker, when you have an unpleasant task at work, set it up so you're happy and comfortable and then get into it as much as possible. I kind of relish the stress of exam week because I'm so single-mindedly focused on one thing.

I'm going to think about this some more. After I do my taxes.

Took this crazy double-exposure picture in New Orleans on the hotel balcony in the morning, and of my friend's dog in the back of the truck, with my old-school Sabre 620 camera, which I finally got it together to use.

Warmer Climes?

Recently I've been talking with friends and thinking a lot about why I live where I do. As winter stretches into March and I spend two hours a day in transit, why don't I live somewhere easier? Like Dahab, above, where I went snorkeling in February?

I have never been that attracted to "easy" places, because I feel a really Midwestern guilt about it. If it's too warm and comfortable and beautiful, I might get complacent, and forget that there are cold and inconvenient places, start to feel that I deserve to have an easy life, and lose the ability to appreciate littler pleasures. One friend thinks it is the folly of youth to think that we should make life harder than it is-- she suggests moving to L.A. Another says I really would be happier moving back to the South, if to a larger city. Others seem to advocate going abroad merely for it's own sake.

I really am not sure if there is anything better than spring after a long winter. But then I think about Hawaii and surfing every day, and surely that's better. Many people I know have no qualms about longing for a "better" place-- somewhere with mountains, the sea, a more cosmopolitan vibe. This always makes me first hotly defensive of Chicago's merits, and then uneasy about the valuation of natural and man-made beauty. I think this might be because I grew up in a pretty mediocre town in a state known for its natural beauty. Though I have a love-hate relationship with my hometown, I'm a staunch defender of the (moral?) superiority of "mediocre" places.

My Sabre 620: Weekend Project

Ok, enough about that. You can read Al Jazeera yourself if you want to, and it's making me cry again. So anyway, I decided to party like an Egyptian last Friday, and spent all Saturday recovering from that. Vitamin Water and Neko Case work wonders, and when all else fails, a Turkish coffee and some lentil soup.

I finally bought 620mm (color) film off of ebay, and I figured out how to load it into my old-school camera from instruction on this website. It has pdfs of manuals from almost every old manual camera you can think of. Unfortunately it's been either dark or kinda gray outside lately, so I'm waiting for a good opportunity to take pictures. I think I only get 12, and then I have to find somewhere that will develop it...if you know of a place in Chicago, let me know!

A friend is coming to visit this weekend and we are going to do touristy and groovy Chicago things, so consider this my reminder to take pictures!

I think the picture is from the Sartorialist, but I'm not sure. It's relevant because... it's a photograph and I'm talking about photography?? haha. It's relevant. Trust me. Ahem. Moving on.

Cross-Country Skiing in the Park

This afternoon, since it was a SNOW DAY, I got out my cross-country skiis and went to the park, via the middle of the unplowed roads! In the park the snow was fresh except for some snowshoe and rabbit tracks, but near the south end of the park I found that other xc skiiers had been there as well! There are not many xc skiiers in the city, as you can imagine, and I got a lot of comments and grins from the neighbors. I told my roommate that it was "so fun" but he doesn't believe it, and it seems he's not alone in this opinion. It's true that xc is very tiring, but once you get moving and you're nice and warm and the snow is blowing and it's quiet and you're alone in the snowy world, there's nothing better.
Maybe you have to be at least a tiny bit Scandinavian to really enjoy it. Plus you get to be sore in places you forgot had muscles.

Snow Days!

We had some major snow in Chicago, which resulted in TWO WHOLE SNOW DAYS! I didn't have to go to work OR class! It was awesome. I lay around and read, went to a bar in the middle of the blizzard (and post-blizzard), took a walk around the block to observe the neighborly helping-out, ate chili, and sat in the window to watch cars struggle in the unplowed streets.

On the second snow day, it was clear and beautiful but still the roads were not clear. I had never had a snow day here in Chicago before, and two in a row? Words cannot describe how happy I was.
It was so bright and clear as I made my way home, on Chinese New Year, no less!

Snow Falling & Looking Older for Work

One day a couple weeks ago it snowed one of those picture-perfect snows with big clumps of soft flakes. You could see crystals on your mittens and it wasn't so cold you want to cry. So I took this picture of the building across from my bus stop.

Also, today a coworker told me that I look too young to be professional. I "dress like a teenager" and look like I'm about 18. Granted, today I dressed a little young, but really? I try so hard to look professional. Usually I bore myself to tears with solid colors, dark modest straight skirts, and wool pants. Sometimes I go a little out there with a bright patterned skirt, or like today, a more fun shape, but this is a pretty casual field. My supervisor wears jeans. So anyway, I am not happy about this. I don't really know what to do to look older, that doesn't sacrifice my budget or sleep too much. Any ideas?

New Years Day Picture

I took this picture with my phone camera on New Years Day. Guess where I live? Doesn't it look cold? That river just looks like ice!

I'm procrastinating, so therefore struggling to upload all recent camera phone pictures to my computer. All kinds of fun.

Tonight

A few images that caught my eye tonight. Seriously, my blogroll is out of control. If I ignore it even for a day it's unmanageable. I like this mostly for the shape of the door behind her, and the reflection of the sky. It reminds me a little of Gaudi. It's by Nicole Bentley for Vogue Australia September 2010, and it's taken at Sheraton on the Park in Sydney, wherever that is. Via dustjacket attic.
This is from the Day fall/winter lookbook, a Danish clothing company, shot by Ditta Isager, via Seesaw Designs. From a brief look at Day's site, they've got some good-looking clothes, almost Edwardian winter shirts and super-Euro dresses. Ditta says her style is "simple Nordic" and I really like the way she's set up this and other photo shoots on her website: a big surreal, a bit bleak and cold, artsy like Anthropologie but cleaner-looking.
From Facehunter. Look at those legs! A Latvian, it seems. Scandinavian enough for me.
More Ditta Isager, this time for Blommingdals. Aw, I love Scandinavians! They even spell Bloomingdales in an adorable way!

Vintage Cameras

I am not going to lie to you: I did go back and buy something at Little Mountain Unlimited. I bought this old camera, a Sabre 620. This camera was made between 1956 and 1972 by Shaw-Harrison, which I've never heard of, and takes 620 mm film, which isn't made anymore. But, it is the same thing as 120 film, which can be found (but not in my rinky-dink town) and just rerolled onto a 620 reel. So, I've got a project ahead of me!
I found it on this shelf full of old Brownie cameras and other fun stuff. No flasks, though, or cocktail shakers, which was disappointing. I only found a smallish selection of pictures taken with the Sabre 120 online, and I liked them a bit more than those taken with the Brownie, which uses the same film size.These first four are by Sean (I think) who writes a blog dedicated to old camera photography, moominstuff. The last one, I believe, was taken with a Valiant, which is identical except for the name.
These two are by Violet_3 on Flickr. I love the double exposure, and the light leaks, while a bit much, are charming.
These two are by rjcarroll on Flickr.

So anyway, there's a preview of the sort of potentially awesome pictures I might start taking, once I figure out the whole film thing, and find a place to buy it and get it developed. Fortunately Chicago is pretty good for that kind of thing. I think I'll start with some black and white film!

Dream of New York

A few nights ago I had a dream that I went to New York City. I took a train (only $12, how convenient), it was on a whim, just for the day. I was with some of my favorite friends; I helped one of them apartment hunt in old huge rambling buildings with curving stairways and endless waiting rooms. Then on the train on the way back, I sat across the aisle from a young Barack Obama with his little daughter in his arms! He was very friendly and we talked about how cute she was.

I felt so good the entire next day! The whole dream had a wonderful quality of freedom, happiness, exhilaration, exuberance, and serendipity. It felt like these pictures.

In fact, I've only been to NYC three times. And while it was fun, it kind of tired me out, drained my finances, got me soaked to the ankle in slushy ice water or traipsing through endless blocks trying to get somewhere I thought was much closer. I think I prefer the fantasy of New York to the reality, but if I ever end up there I'll be sure to reconsider.
Images: The Sartorialist; Bonnie Tsang for Pictory via the always-good Aubrey Road; Hafeez Raji also for Pictory; Trey Hill for Pictory, Sandra from Niotillfem on vacation in New York.

Summertime

A few evenings ago we went to the lake to swim. It was such a relief after a hot day, even after some people in speedboats almost killed our friends (a big almost, but still scary!)
I took some photos of my friends but I like these of strangers too. I can't figure out how to not make the camera auto-adjust to the sun. I should go back to my disposable so I can take pictures straight into the sun. The couple below looks funny, like some kind of two-headed sea creature.

Fourth of July!

A bit belated, but these are some pictures my friend took with her phone while we watched the fireworks over the lake. I like how they came out in red, white, and blue! The last one is especially nice, that blue lake glow is in several photographs I have from summer in the city.

It was really nice to sit on the rocks by the lakeshore with our entire neighborhood enjoying the cool breeze and general patriotism, and then go back to the sweltering apartment and watch The Patriot and eat sherbet. Heath Ledger, what a babe! I met some cool kids, too.

Concerts in the Park

Last night I went to see Huntsville and On Fillmore perform downtown. I'd never heard of them, because I'm not very cool, but my friend's musician boyfriend was pretty excited about it. On Fillmore is Wilco's percussionist Glenn Kotche playing with bassist Darin Gray. This time Wilco guitarist Nels Cline was also with them, and it was full of bird and wild animal sounds. To me, it felt at times like a soundtrack to a creepy movie, and other times I just wanted to lie on my back, stare at the darkening blue sky, and turn the sounds into colors and shapes in my mind. Huntsville is Norwegian, and literally describe themselves as "abstract drone Americana and yoga country." What that means, I have no idea, but I think I might have enjoyed it more had it not gotten rather unseasonably cold and had I not been sitting on damp ground for hours. Anyway, seriously photoshopped image by Sky Noir on flickr, captures the rather surreal feeling of being there, in this Frank Gehry designed shiny pile of oyster shells, listening to music you don't understand for free, looking at the sparkling skyline, and feeling so lucky to live in Chicago.

South Carolina is Magic

Look at this cool photo my dad took on his morning walk, with his cell phone! I love the way the puddle looks like a little light-filled window. This is the park across the street from our house. I have tickets for a 2-week trip home coming up, and I'm so excited!

In other news, I finally got Project Runway to stream, hallelujah, where have you been all day when I needed you?

Real Pictures I Really Took

These are from the disposable camera that I promised. Some turned out cool, some less cool. There are also some fun ones of friends but in the interest of privacy I'll retain them, but they include The Hideout, Lincoln Kareoke, E's birthday party at the Webster apartment, and a couple crappy ones from Mississippi.
In order: peonies, a strawberry-rhubarb pie, finals week, our kitty, mobile & line-drying.