After a long Craigslist search filled with many failures and missed-boats, I finally secured a solution to my no-closet woes. I bought the above Ikea wardrobe from a nice family in a not-too-far-but-still-far suburb. This is the picture they provided on Craigslist. It does it justice, somehow, as it is kindof a piece of crap BUT it is nevertheless functional.
More importantly, it fits in my bathroom! I have a giant bathroom, and there's this huge space between the toilet and the wall where this dresser fits perfectly. It's like Ikea somehow knew the dimensions of my crazy-sized bathroom. I must admit I had my doubts, as I measured the wardrobe in the Craigslist-lady's house and it was 36" and I knew from multiple measurings back home that I only have exactly 35", but then, once we got it home, it was freakishly 35". "What changed?" we asked. "Embrace the mystery," the wardrobe said.
So we also moved it in a Prius, which was epic to begin with, since Priuses are a) tiny and b) lacking a hook in the trunk latch to affix a bungee cord. But because of my vast knowledge of how to attach strange objects to cars, I knew of hooks underneath the bumper and also had the foresight to bring twine (which is quite frankly all I had that was even remotely cord-like). Another fun fact about Priuses is that they like to beep at you a lot to remind you to do things like buckle up, not stand too close, and also, to close the door. So serenaded by a steady beep beep beep, and cushioned by some old blankets, we cruised to a really good cheap Indian place, called Ghareeb Nawaz, and hovered around the car (which also couldn't LOCK, you see) and ate some fine food while standing in an alley. Finally we figured out that Jay Z beats are at the same frequency of the beeps so we managed to get it home, sanity AND wardrobe intact, up the stairs, into my room, only to discover, of course, that it doesn't fit through the bathroom door.
So we took it apart, obviously, and then put it back together inside the bathroom which was quite an undertaking and to be frank I would have given up without my wonderful friend Brandon helping me this whole time like the total champ that he is. But, tomorrow I'm gonna go buy some L-brackets at the hardware store just to make everything a little bit more sturdy and then! finally! I'll have a closet!
Total cost: $15 for wardrobe, $7 for Indian food, about $10 for the beer I'll buy the roommate whose car I borrowed.